The overly-long title for this post comes from two posts that I read recently. They both relate to the degrees to which we edit ourselves in the social media world, and they got me thinking about how I do or don’t edit myself.
Justin Kownacki wrote about how, afraid to offend anyone, we censor ourselves, believing that we’ll be able to open up once we’ve built an audience. He highlights three social media “celebrities” that have made their mark largely by not censoring themselves — by being themselves.
The problem is not that you don’t yet have the clout to say what you really mean, or that you’re afraid of offending those who think better of you.
It’s that you have no idea what you really believe, or what you have to say.
Because if you did, you’d be speaking, acting and living the same way the idealized version of you would be doing.
Justin finishes with a bit of, as he calls it, “self help-ish” advice: “popularity — and grandmothers — come and go, but there’s only one you. Matter to someone, and you’ll end up mattering to everyone.”
Amber Naslund, conversely, describes three types of social media users: the casual users; the career-bolsterers; and (like Amber, Justin, or me) those whose “online presence is a central pillar of their careers.” The main question of her post was this:
Is it true that the more you participate and engage online, the more responsibility you have to act or behave in line with the expectations of the people around you, whether or not you purposely built them yourself? And can you shift them effectively?
These two posts both speak of limiting ourselves, but at two different periods. Justin points to those that want to grow, whereas Amber addresses those that, to one degree or another, have already built an audience.
Are we all just editing ourselves in different ways, at different points?
Personally, I can admit that I share more than most while still censoring myself. On this blog, I’ll write about encounters with homeless people or about my mother’s death, but only if I can somehow connect it with the overall theme of this site — my knowledge of marketing and building communities online.
On Twitter and Facebook, there isn’t much I won’t talk about. Whether marketing, current events, modern design, music, or tweets to my girlfriend, there’s not much of myself that I won’t expose.
But there are things that I won’t do. I won’t be rude. Sure, just like anyone else, I’ve had a fair share of snarky tweets come from my keyboard, but I’ll never openly attack someone — that’s just not my style.
And there’s always the question of whether my professional endeavors would be affected by adjusting what I type. I’ve questioned the logic of separating one part of what you do from the rest of you. Is there value in compartmentalizing?
Meg and I have lost at least one follower because of our online canoodling. Is it fair to assume that the handful of notable marketing and PR pros that have unfollowed me did so for similar reasoning? If that is the reason, does that reflect on them as much as it does me? If they can’t see the value I offer to the conversation, is that their problem, or mine? Is it both?
Is the attention of a few more followers worth not communicating with my long-distance girlfriend via the channels we met on? Hardly. Besides, we’ve gotten way more press attention by being a “Twitter couple” — the term gives me hives — than we (along with Matt Knell) have as SM4SC, or I have as a design blogger.
I don’t think I have an answer for this, other than to say, yes, we do edit ourselves, every day. But if we whittle down what we say, worried about not saying anything that will turn off someone, we’ll never say anything.
What do you think? Do you feel you edit yourself, and if so, in what way?
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“If they can’t see the value I offer to the conversation, is that their problem, or mine?”
But does your online canoodling really add value to people using Twitter for business purposes? Obviously for some people the answer is “no.”
How prevalent is the practice of having two Twitter accounts — one for personal stuff and one for professional business? I'd be curious to see those number.
I think we all censor ourselves to some degree. It's what we use to call in sociology the “presentation of self”. It can happen both consciously & unconsciously & is heavily influenced by our childhood experiences & the educational environment we were exposed to. People will display characteristics that will get them positive or negative attention while others will silence those aspects to avoid confrontation or unwanted attention from others. It depends on the context of the situation, the other people involved and what is at stake (there is always something at stake). Very few people above the age of adolescence are totally spontaneous and themselves, even if they are extroverts.
Regarding the policy of how much of yourself you should reveal and when, this was the reasoning behind the granting of tenure to professors. That after a professor had proven he had the chops to teach & publish, the possibility of being fired for the direction of his research should be removed to allow her or him the freedom to pursue controversial topics or theories that go against the common wisdom. Also, it was unheard of in previous generations for professors to be fired because of their political beliefs or criticism of the universities they work at.
Unfortunately, for many professors, the groveling process that accompanies securing tenure often removes any inclination to test the boundaries. It's unusual for many rebels (aside from people like Cornel West) to reach tenure so the freedom that it allows to pursue truly revolutionary proposals is wasted on individuals who've been conditioned to take the middle path.
What does this mean for social media folks? Well, I guess my point is that it is unlikely that a person will speak out once they've reached a high career point if they haven't been already doing so on the way up the ladder. There is too much at stake, too much to lose once you are close to the top. There aren't many Oscar Romeros who have a life-changing career moment that causes them to suddenly be outspoken for causes of justices after a life of passive agreement with the powers that be.
Sorry this is so long, Gradon, it just sparked a lot of ideas for me. Great post!
For as much as I openly display myself and life on twitter, I still find that I have to do a bit of editing. I like to think of myself as a nice guy and I would never shoot someone's ideas or thoughts down to their face. There are definitely times I would love to, but don't.
This carries over to twitter, blog writing, and commenting on blogs. I'm always up for a good argument (because 3/4 of the time it's about music and what's more fun than that!?) but it has to be a tasteful argument and you have to have something to back yourself up with. Think before you type.
Basically, don't be a youtube commenter.
Which reminds me, when are they going to put in place the popup after someone writes a youtube comment that says “are you SURE you want to post this??”
You also hit upon your own personal key conflict: yes, you're a marketer and a social media practitioner, but the “brand” that separates you from the pack involves your Twitterelationship.
So, on one hand, you could curtail (or reroute) those personal expressions in order to professionalize your business.
On the other, you could lean into the personal because THAT'S what people are naturally inclined to talk about.
If you're more passionate about your business, you may want to consider spinning the biz account off from the personal, so you don't have to explain your motives to every new client. (Or, if you don't, you'll always attract clients who can deal with your natural mix. Either way can work; the proof will be in your bottom line.)
But if you're more interested in pursuing your own niche, perhaps you jettison the “day job” aspects completely and mine your personal experience as a successful Online Relationship-er. There are a LOT less of those than there are social media gurus; plant your flag on that mountain and your SM knowledge will become the support for your story, rather than a competition for it.
Who we are depends on (and helps us establish) our goals. How we edit ourselves determines how quickly we reach them.
Canoodling is but a part of what I offer to the conversation. As for multiple Twitter accounts, I have a handful, so I'm guessing it's fairly prevalent.
No need to apologize, Liz. It's interesting to learn about tenure. What you say about the middle path is what Justin writes about: If you're not you now, you won't be when you're popular/tenured/secure.
I've never been terribly concerned about “unfollows” — people come and go according to what they find interesting in the moment, and to take that personally, or to try and craft what I was saying to reduce unfolllows (or boost follows!) doesn't make sense to me.
I'm fine with being myself, and letting people do what they will. I don't feel like addressing you — any more than addressing any of my friends — makes me “unprofessional” in any way.
We do talk to one another via Twitter, but it's an incredibly tiny portion of the communicating we do — and a tiny portion of the stuff I talk about online.
It doesn't define either of us, despite the attention we've received for it. In fact, there are people who follow me for months without even noticing I'm in a relationship because a) they don't read every single thing I say and b) it's not a part of every single thing I say.
Then again, there are people who say the way we communicate with one another online is really inspiring and meaningful for them… so do I listen to them, or the naysayers?
The secret, for me, in making all of this work and being true to myself, is to apply the same standards to conversations online that I apply to conversations offline. That means I avoid rudeness, being habitually argumentative, revealing private information about myself or others, inappropriate content (swearing, sex, what have you), content that puts myself or others at risk, or anything else that would make my mother cringe.
But I only worry about crafting my content for an exact audience when I'm getting paid.
Do I edit myself? Yes, sometimes. There are those Facebook statuses, blog posts and tweets that I type, delete, re-type and delete again. But they are few and far between. Have there been some that after I sent them, I questioned the wisdom of my openness? Absolutely. But I made a choice early in my “social media career” to be open and transparent. To not hide behind a persona.
I firmly believe in being “me”. If you as a follower, friend or client don't like that and do not like that I post honestly and openly, then by all means unfollow me, unfriend me or don't do business with me. For each person who has a problem with my openness, there are others who applaud my willingness to bare my soul. Those are the people who I would prefer to interact with.
It does become amusing because I am accused often of living my entire life – good and bad – for the world to see online. It makes me chuckle because there are parts of my life that I rarely talk about. I rarely mention my children. They are grown and have their own lives and in general I respect their privacy. I rarely mention my relationships. I rarely talk about my off line friends with my online community. Again, being respectful of their choice to be private.
So, do I edit myself, yes I do on some things, I don't on others. I think that we all have to make that choice for ourselves. Some of us are more comfortable “living” our lives online. Others are not. I feel there is one thing that is completely crucial. That whatever face we reveal to the online world be an honest representation of who we are. That it not be solely a persona built to attract a following. Whether what you chose to reveal is your entire personality/life or a portion of it, it must be real. I must be able to see that same person when I meet you off line as when I interact with you online.
You're are entirely you, right down to Purple Rain in the office every Friday. If there isn't a more proper mix of awesome, I don't know what it is. But yes, the best things to argue over: music, design, and how much better Helvetica is than any two-bit font you can think of.
I'm not sure I'm cut out to help others create “Twitterelationships”. Meg and I just kind of happened, with no strategy or plan behind it. I think people like Thomas Edwards (http://twitter.com/urwingman) are much more willing to go that route.
I want to make my impact my own way. If that means making less money by being more open about my life, then so be it. That doesn't mean I won't occasionally second-guess myself, though.
Well I censored myself long before there was an online to do it on. My parents were ministers so there was always a separation between church and state (or family as was the case)… online is not much different. There is context appropriate communication and even as a teenager I was very aware that I had different 'personas' with the church community, my extended family, my school friends, etc.
I will say this, however, if you insist on sticking just to business chatter you will not form deep relationships. Exposing yourself to some degree is required to get past superficial relationships – and those deeper relationships are likely to return much more to you than the shallow ones. I had this conversation recently with a member who was tweeting almost exclusively about work in that I was having a tough time finding something of his to respond to – and I was actively looking for an entree. So I guess the question is – how far do you feel comfortable taking it. It's likely very different for each one of us.
Interesting conversation Gradon and I for one, like being able to find friends like you on Twitter… and we wouldn't be friends if you didn't share some of your personal life.
I think you and Meg could share similar stories about growing up a “PK”, and I can somewhat relate: her father is my friend on Facebook (so is my son), so my activity on that site is even more edited than normal.
I've always been a sharer, so going beyond business chatter is easy for me. Tailoring the business and the personal is the name of the game, I'd say.
I do that all the time – type something out and then delete it. Except when I don't, which isn't always as bad as you first expect. And sometimes it's worse.
I think, having been involved in online communities for so long, I was open before there was a chance to have a career in social media. Like you, I don't share much about my offline friends and family, out of resect.
Regarding those personae “built to attract a following”: I'm not interested in following them, so I doubt I could actually pull it off myself.
We've had countless conversations about this, and I'm sure we'll have even more.
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