Getting Unstuck.

Posted on March 8, 2012 by Gradon

There are two kinds of busy social media strategy folks:

1. Those who continue to publish at their blogs, no matter what, so their presence stays fresh, and readers come to expect their perspective on the issues of the day; and…

2. … everyone else.

If you’ve been keeping tabs on my blog for a year or more, you’ll note that I have little rushes of content… and then I’ll disappear for a few months. Or more than a few. Which puts me squarely in the second camp.

I think it comes from an odd sort of perfectionism — I don’t want to write anything unless it’s useful, and I actually like what I’m saying — combined with the need for a bit of a mental break after my typically busy day as a community manager. We’re either responding to customers and looking ahead to the next content we’re going to share, or exploring what initiatives or projects we want to take on… so to come home after that and produce something salient?

Bit of a challenge.

But as with most things in life, the fact that it’s a challenge seems like a good reason to try it.

That, and my belief that the impulse to express yourself is one that should be rewarded.

I’ve just started running after months away from it (I’ve gone running twice this week! Points for effort!) and my lungs and my legs are feeling challenged, to say the least. I was a track and field guy in high school, so there’s muscle memory in there somewhere, but it’s going to take a bit of time to get my distance and efficiency up to par.

The decision to get back on the trail was one I made on Monday. And as soon as I made that decision, I headed to City Sports, down from my office, to get some running pants suitable for the weather. I didn’t wait to see if I had something at home I could wear, because I knew that could put things off for a day.

And it was great to be out there in my new pants with my not-exactly-new-but-remarkably-unworn (oops!) running shoes. Great to breathe deeply, great to do something for myself. It was great yesterday, too. And it will be great on Friday.

Mind you, I’m not going to be ready to run a marathon anytime soon… but that’s not why I’m doing it.

I’m doing it because I want to train myself to act on the positive impulses in my life, and to act on them right away. If I feel like a run? I should go for a run. If I’m thinking I should drink eight glasses of water a day, I shouldn’t wait for the next day to fit in the full eight… I can go get a glass right now. If my allergies are driving me bonkers, I should make an appointment with an allergist. How much longer do I need to wait and see if they’ll get better, anyway? The desire for change right now is a good reason to act right now.

That’s why this is my third blog post of the week.

I’ve been thinking about things and pondering ideas and shoring up opinions just as often as I normally do, but I haven’t been taking the time to put them down in words. I tell myself that I can start tomorrow, or that it would take too long to express things clearly, or that I haven’t been reading enough of what everyone else is writing to see if I’m rehashing what’s already out there, etc. etc. And I’m tired! And I already published a bunch of content!

But the impulse to do it, as easily quelled as it may be from day to day, is a good one. And good impulses deserve to be obeyed.

So I’m going to be writing more regularly.

And it won’t even require special pants.

Say It Now

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Gradon

A member of the social media community died this past weekend. Who he was or how he died won’t be a part of this post. I never met him, and had only conversed with him a few times, so using his information to win a boost in visits from Google would be, well, sleazy.

But the tweets, updates, and posts that followed his passing got me thinking. So many people had so much to say about him, and what he gave to them, and the social media community at large — was he aware of the high praise of so many people? Did they have the chance to tell him when he was still around? If they had the chance, did they tell him?

I’m not sure I would have. We all have our stories, our quirks — one of mine is that I don’t readily talk about my feelings for people. If you and I are friends, I’m more likely to make fun of you than to tell you why I like you.

This is why I’m taking the chance to talk about people that are special in my life. Some I haven’t seen in person in years, some I see every day. They all mean the world to me.

Joe Varnum – After moving to Chelmsford, Joe was my first friend. Regardless of where I came from or what I’d experienced, he was simply an eight-year old that shared a number of interests with me — namely, Transformers, GI Joe, and Legos. After graduation, he joined the Navy (he’s the only member of the Navy that I’ve heard of that never served on a ship!) Now, he’s engaged to Lori, one of the coolest, craziest girls from our hometown. Since we graduated, we’ve grown apart (but are connected on Facebook — thanks, Zuckerberg!) He’s still one of my favorite people on this planet.

Alan Grant – In suburban America, distance is a strong indicator of the likeliness of interest. Alan lived about 150 yards from my house, which meant we were destined to be friends. As middle schoolers, he told me about the greatness of Aerosmith (I still question his logic on that one). In high school, we spent our time skateboarding, talking about cars, going to punk shows, and being proudly drug free — he, Matt, Ray, Bill, Jay, Robb, Dave, Nate, and Joe were my straightedge crew — aside from my parents, these are the people that have had the greatest impact on who I am. Now, Alan lives in New Hampshire and I’m in Boston (and carless), so we don’t see each other very often. But if there’s someone I love like a brother (other than my brothers), it’s this guy.

Kevin and Joyce – As far as I’m concerned, they are and always have been a pair — when he was little, my son didn’t know Kevin or Joyce, only Kevinandjoyce. I met K&J in college; we were all BFA majors at U Mass Lowell, a school known for engineering. I’ve followed them from Lowell to Boston (our new home is about 3.5 miles from their loft), but busy lives keep us from getting together very often. They’re two of the funniest, most caring people I’ve ever met. They’re also two of the first modern design enthusiasts I knew, and have helped me hone and develop my own taste for clean, comfortable design. Oh, and their daughter Eva is just about the cutest little girl ever.

Christopher Norfleet – When I first started DesignBoston, I’d go to the DWR in the South End for monthly discussions on modern design. There, I met Christopher. What began as a common interest in furniture we can barely afford (me more so, unfortunately) became a deep friendship over the last five years. From relationships to jobs, we’ve each had our share, and he’s always been there for me.

Jeff Cutler – You probably know him as the scooter-riding, Patriots-hating, there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-Citizen-Journalist ranting food photographer. I know him as all of those, plus one: from the first time I met him, giving me a spare power cord for my (now replaced) iBook, Jeff has been one of the most amazingly giving people I’ve ever met. No one is more loyal, more silly, or more consistently himself than Jeff. And through him, Meg and I met Gretchen.. who, as good as Jeff is, is his better half.

Meg – I’ve written about her more than once. No matter how many times I tell her I love her, or hug her, there’s no way that I could ever put how I feel for her into words. Her beauty, intelligence, and caring heart are unparalleled. And, even though our wedding is still six weeks away, she’s already the best stepmom possible. She’s the person that I dream of growing old with.

All of these people have something in common: they’ve seen me at my best, and at my worst. They’ve stood by me, and helped me become a better person. And they haven’t heard from me how I feel about them.

Is there someone that you should talk to, and tell them how you feel about them?

What are you waiting for?

My bride

Posted on February 22, 2011 by Gradon

Three years ago this past Sunday, I sent a tweet to someone I had just started following.

Eight months later, in October 2008 — after direct messages, IMs, GChats and iChats — we met, and it was official. This was the girl for me.

After that, the long distance phone calls got longer and more frequent. I think Meg and I have personally paid for the T-Mobile and Fido’s CEOs’ retirement funds. But we viewed these charges not as expenses, but rather as investments in solidifying our relationship. And the ROI is now beyond anything we could’ve imagined.

The media — the Canadian media, at least — caught notice of us, too. CBC’s “Spark” featured a bit on digital love letters with Meg in 2009 (she starts at 10:57.) Then, in 2010, we were featured in Vancouver’s Straight, as well as Toronto’s Globe and Mail and Star. Why the American media hasn’t picked up on us, I don’t know… and I’m not terribly concerned.

At the end of April last year, Meg got a job at Sametz Blackstone Associates, a boutique brand strategy, design, and digital media agency, and moved to Boston. She moved into my wee Charlestown apartment, but instead of feeling cramped, it felt like home. Which made the next move an obvious decision.

On Sunday, three years to the day after I first followed Meg Fowler on Twitter, I asked her to be my wife.

It wasn’t elegant. It wasn’t anything close to what I had imagined. But it was our moment, and, most importantly, she said yes.

34 Things for my 34th Year

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Gradon

34 years ago this afternoon, Gradon Waters (my birth name — I was adopted) was born in Bath, Maine, a wee town of 10,000 or so people over 13 square miles. Charlestown, the neighborhood of Boston I live in, has 4,000 more people in 1/13th the space.

Needless to say, a lot has happened since then.

A lot of things happen every year, don’t they? From births and deaths, to jobs and moves, and everything in between, we are constantly evolving.

In celebration of this not-terribly-monumental birthday (although reaching every new one is an achievement in and of itself, wouldn’t you agree?), I’ve decided to name 34 things that I’m looking forward to in the next 12 months:

Seeing Boston win at least one championship.
Having two teenagers in the house on the weekends (scary, I know.)
Having three different Apple products — MacBook, iPad (maybe?), and iPhone — to choose from personally.
Getting four wheels. And the rest of the car, too.
A warm and dry summer. After the last one (and this winter!), we deserve it.
More time with my parents. Both sets of them.
Seeing my son become a micro entrepreneur (a micropreneur?)
At least 8 hours of sleep a night (not likely, but I can hope.)
Visiting more cities — Austin, Chicago, and San Francisco all sound nice. And maybe a fly-over state or two.
Spending more time with my friends.
Moving from this tiny-yet-charming apartment, into a larger (800 sq. ft? A THOUSAND?), more comfortable space.
12 more months with this great company I’m contracting with. Some of the most challenging, yet rewarding, social media strategy work I’ve done yet.
More, smaller clients that I can help, too.
Beach time.
Peace (and internet access) in Egypt.
Meeting Meg’s brother… the Eskimo.
More random drives to see whatever we see.
3 or 4 really good live shows.
Less time waiting for the T.
Meeting more people online, and solidifying those connections offline.
Learning how to dance in a way that doesn’t embarrass Meg.
Weekends on the Cape. Or in Maine.
Having 2/3 less debt than I do today.
24 more books read.
Watching proportionally less TV.
52 new blog posts — a weekly schedule helps me turn “off” every once in a while.
Knowing my price, and accepting it.
Spending more time reading words from, listening to, and talking with those that know more than me.
Running more. Or just running, since I’m not doing much of that right now.
Finding more ways to help people.
Writing more.
Seeing at least one game of each: Bruins, Celtics, Red Sox, and Patriots.
Finding out John Cusack was wrong.
Turning a Fowler into a Tripp.

A List for Meg’s Birthday!

Posted on April 19, 2010 by Gradon

Thirty-something years ago, in some wee town in the middle of the Canadian prairie, Meg was born.

Meg loves lists, so it’s only fitting that, as part of her birthday present, Meg asked the three Boston men in her life — my son, Ethan; stepson, Devon; and me — to each answer a list of 25 questions.

The questions:

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

2. What five things do you require in life to be happy/comfortable/content? (Can be people, objects, or things like “sleep” or “McDonald’s fries”)

3. What are your five favorite pieces of clothing you own?

4. What five people do you know are most fun to hang out with?

5. Are you good or bad at keeping secrets?

6. Describe your ideal vacation. Where would you go? What would you do?

7. If your life was a video game, how would people rack up points?

8. What food can’t you live without?

9. What is your favorite subject in school? What subject DON’T you like?

10. What is the most important quality in a friend?

11. What four things make you most frustrated/mad/irritated in life?

12. What three activities do you find totally boring?

13. What are your three favorite smells?

14. What four words would you use to describe yourself?

15. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

16. Do you think you have a short fuse, or are you hard to make mad?

17. Who knows more about you: your family, or your friends?

18. What are your four favorite tv shows?

19. What are your three favorite websites to go to?

20. What’s the best movie you ever saw?

21. What foods do you HATE?

22. If you could do any job in the world, what would it be?

23. If you had to set three goals to achieve this year, what would they be?

24. What’s your favorite color?

25. What was your best age (so far!)?

Here , from youngest to oldest, are our answers:

Ethan’s answers

1. Florida – It’s warm, I have family there, and there are amusement parks!
2. Video games, baseball, pizza, ice cream, and music
3. A gray hoodie with black stripes; my dark, skinny jeans; my obsidian (that’s what Devon called it), orange and white sneakers; my black and pink T-shirt; and my blue jacket
4. Sebastian, Joseph, Dewey, Devon, and Shawn
5. Good
6. California – It has beaches, skateboarding and BMX
7. Doing extreme things, like jumping off buildings and doing backflips
8. Ice cream — vanilla with rainbow sprinkles!
9. Reading and math; science and social studies
10. Cool and awesome — like me!
11. My sister crying; Devon monopolizing the PS3; stupid jokes; annoying sounds
12. Pop Goes the Weasel; Duck-Duck-Goose; Library
13. Strawberries; Grandma’s cake frosting; and Febreeze
14. Cool; Awesome; Hyper; and Bodacious
15. My feet
16. Short fuse
17. Family
18. Silent Library; Chowder; Nitro Circus; Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory
19. Addicting Games; GameFudge; and ArmorGames
20. Avatar
21. Fish and seafood; cheese; and chocolate
22. TV host
23. Shoot a half-court shot; do a back flip; and kick-flip on a skateboard
24. Red
25. 11!

Devon’s answers

1. California – warm, beaches, cute girls
2. Sneakers; food; my big, fuzzy blanket; my friends; my family
3. Nike SB Jedis; Nike SB Brooklyn Projects; Nike SB Goofy Boys; Drama Beats shirt; my black jeans
4. Sebastian, Joseph, Dewey, Mike, Ethan
5. Good
6. Florida – I’d go to all the theme parks!
7. Eating food
8. Kraft Deluxe Mac & Cheese
9. History; Math
10. Loyalty
11. Being frustrated with <redacted> ; when people interrupt me; when I can’t do something on the first try; when I can’t get what I want
12. Homework, reading, and running at practice
13. New shoes; food cooking; dirty socks
14. Funny, hungry, cool, attractive.
15. I’d be taller
16. Short fuse
17. Family
18. Cribs, SportsCenter, Silent Library, Fantasy Factory
19. MySpace, YouTube, AddictingGames
20. Grand Torino
21. Potatoes
22. Professional baseball player
23. Get honor roll; get a new BMX bike; see a Red Sox game.
24. Green
25. 15

And lastly, Gradon’s answers

1. San Francisco – mild temperature, great design & tech community
2. My family; good friends; beautiful, designy things; good food; sunshine
3. Gap jeans; my Brooks Brothers shirts; my gray hoodie; low-top Chuck Taylors; and old, comfy T-shirts
4. Meg, Jeff, Christopher, Kevin & Joyce
5. Good
6. England; walk around and take it all in
7. Giving high-fives
8. Chinese food
9. Art & History; Science
10. Humor; intelligence; grace
11. Feeling stuck; finding myself distracted; being a lazy blogger; missing my girlfriend
12. Waiting for the bus; doing my taxes; most TV shows
13. Baby powder; cocoa butter; fresh baked goods
14. Smart; friendly; helpful; creative
15. I’d be more educated.
16. Long fuse.
17. Family
18. Lost; the Simpsons; HGTV; Iron Chef America
19. Twitter; DesignBoston.org; MegFowler.com
20. Too many movies!
21. Tomatoes and mushrooms
22. I’d be Frank Lloyd Wright, but nicer
23. Find a great job; be in the same city with Meg; be a financial mastermind
24. Blue
25. Each year is better than the last

What about you? I’d love to see your responses in the comment, and I’m sure Meg would, too!

Happy birthday, love!

Today.

Posted on March 9, 2010 by Gradon

26 years ago today, my mother died.

Emma Mae Waters was getting out of work at the New Hampshire state mental hospital, where she was a nurse. While on her way to her car, she was abducted by Robert Bruneau, her estranged and abusive husband — my stepfather. Long story short, she didn’t get out of the car alive. She was 37 years old when we lost her.

15 years ago today, my stepson was born.

Devon came into my life when he was 15 months old. I dated, married and had a son with his mother. Though the marriage didn’t last, I’ve had the chance to see this happy, chubby-faced baby turn into a strong, confident young man. Like his own dad, he’s learning to work with his hands at a vocational high school — he even welded a flower for his mother last fall. He’s a starter on his freshman football team, and will be going out for baseball in a few weeks.

There are only two things that connect these two events: today, and me. But I see it as an extreme example of a situation that exists throughout everyone’s life:

If you are willing to see it — and willing to work at it — there is hope to be found after loss.

Maybe you were laid off and decided to make a movie. Maybe you decided to turn a tragedy around and do something good. Or maybe your company, hurt by decades of decline in interest for your products, reinvents itself to become a leader once again. There are a million examples, big and small.

For every loss, failure, or trouble that a person, family, or company experiences, there’s an opportunity, too. A chance to turn that loss around and build upon it, to create something new. And with that, a duty to remember the loss, but to find a way to find hope and purpose again — if you’re willing, and your eyes are open.

It took 11 years for me to find mine.

What’s yours?